A Very Tiny Play: #14

A couple of philosophical frogs is what spoke to me today. Or, maybe just one philosophical frog.

(Griselda is waiting on a lily pad admiring the stars. Johnson swims up and climbs on the adjacent lily pad.)

JOHNSON: Hey Griselda.

GRISELDA: Hi Johnson! What’s up?

JOHNSON: Nothing.

GRISELDA: Mhm. Yeah.

(They sit in silence for a bit. A fly comes into view. Johnson throws his tongue at it three or four times but then it disappears from view. Another fly comes in from the opposite side and Griselda catches it in one try.)

JOHNSON: Frog damn it.

GRISELDA: What?

JOHNSON: Everyone else is – I feel like everyone is just way much better at catching than me.

GRISELDA: Why?

JOHNSON: You caught that one on the first try!

GRISELDA: So?

JOHNSON: Could you just catch some for me?

GRISELDA: Uh, I could…. How do you catch flies?

JOHNSON: Don’t patronise me.

GRISELDA: No, I mean, what’s your strategy?

JOHNSON: What do you mean, strategy, I just throw my tongue at them.

GRISELDA: See, what I do is I wait for the right moment. The best times are when they stop moving, or when they turn either away from you or toward you. As long as they are the same angle from you for half a second you’ll get them.

JOHNSON: They like, never stop moving. I could catch them if they stopped moving.

GRISELDA: I know, but really it’s about reading their movements and predicting them.

JOHNSON: Fine.

(Another fly comes on.)

GRISELDA: Go ahead, try it!

(Johnson waits and watches the fly until it goes out the other side.)

JOHNSON: AUGH! See? I had no chance! I’m just going to froggin’ starve.

GRISELDA: Really? I… there were like, at least three or four times I could have caught that guy.

JOHNSON: Well, I guess you’re just a champion.

GRISELDA: Johnson, if you think and act as if life is conspiring against you then, yeah, it’s going to feel that way. Carl Tongue believed that the universe is responsive. It listens to your intentions, that it’s not just stuff that’s there, but it is like, a conscious entity which treats you the way you treat you treat yourself. Or something.

JOHNSON: Frog, you sound like one of those Croakists.

GRISELDA: They’re just misguided! Their ideas are based on a perversion of genuine amphibious spiritual experience.

JOHNSON: Okay, you lost me at spiritual experience. See you later.

GRISELDA: Bye.

(Johnson hops back into the water and swims away. A fly enters.)

GRISELDA: Do you have philosophers?

(The fly rests on a flower. After a moment, Griselda catches it.)

GRISELDA: Hehe. Flylosophers.

(The lights fade on Griselda’s satisfied croak.)

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