A Very Tiny Play: #12

This one’s a Doozen! Get it? Doozey + dozen? Oh, fine. Read the play!

(Thierry, a priest, is walking from stage right to stage left. He is very old and takes his time, for he’s got plenty. Leopold comes in from stage left and almost walks right by Thierry.)

THIERRY: Hello, young man.

LEOPOLD: AH! Holy, what the – where did you come from?

THIERRY: I reside at the chapel on the corner of this land. Have you seen it?

LEOPOLD: No. Sorry.

THIERRY: I see you have a lot of tools there. Might I inquire as to their function?

LEOPOLD: Sure. They’re for farming.

THIERRY: Farming? Where are you farming?

LEOPOLD: Well, hey! You’re the old pastor aren’t you?

THIERRY: Yes, I am.

LEOPOLD: Okay, great. Folks in town told me to find you and ask about making a farm here. See, I find myself unsuited to city life. I’m sure you understand. When I heard about an enormous battle that took place here long ago, I thought, hey, that land must be really fertile! So I came around to… farm!

THIERRY: Farming is indeed a noble occupation. What will you do with this farm?

LEOPOLD: Oh… grow vegetables. And fruits. Other farm things.

THIERRY: I will be happy if this land goes to good use. Please let me know if there is anything you need.

LEOPOLD: Thanks!

(Leopold turns to go.)

THIERRY: If you are lying, however, I must regretfully promise you a fiery voyage directly to the infernos of hell.

LEOPOLD: Uh… okay. Bye.

THIERRY: God be with you.

(Leopold goes out right. Thierry continues walking on his way. After a very long beat, France, in her park ranger outfit, rides in from stage right.)

FRANCE: Father!

THIERRY: My dear, how are you?

FRANCE: Cool. Good. Um, I found some… people. Digging.

THIERRY: Digging?

FRANCE: Ya. A big operation. Like, serious digging. I would call it a dig. I think they’re after… um…

THIERRY: Oh, my. Sounds bad. Did you notice a fellow carrying a lot of tools?

FRANCE: Yeah. There were a lot of tools.


(Thierry transforms into a monstrous demon.)

DEMON THIERRY: Take me to them.

FRANCE: Ya. Over here.

(They leave out the way France came.)


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