A Very Tiny Play: #4

Here is a tiny play. Leopold seems to be the recurring name in these. Perhaps a through-line might start to develop. Who knows?

(Inside a castle before a very large door.)

LEOPOLD: Good evening, my sweet stoic sentry.


LEOPOLD: I love it when you give me the silent treatment. Good-bye!

(He leaves. He comes back.)

I have a question. How long have you been standing here?


LEOPOLD: If you never talk, you’ll never make friends.

MARIA: Shut up!

LEOPOLD: That’s better. What a lovely voice!

MARIA: Leave, fool, before I lose my temper.

LEOPOLD: Oh, dear. That sounds dangerous. Are you vicious when you lose your temper, Maria?

MARIA: Pray you never find out.

LEOPOLD: I wonder why you’re so irritable today. Are you hungry?

MARIA: What?

LEOPOLD: Ahahaha! Wonderful! Of course you are! Standing like that motionless for hours. Do you like chocolate?

MARIA: …yes…

LEOPOLD: I’m sorry? I didn’t hear you.

MARIA: Yes, I like chocolate okay?! If you have some to offer, do! Unless you prefer I take it from your stupid dead fingers.

LEOPOLD: Well! With that attitude, I don’t know if I want to share.

MARIA: Fine! Get out!

(Leopold rests against the wall, just inside her view, about 3 metres away.)

What are you still doing here?

LEOPOLD: I’m waiting for my apology.

MARIA: I owe you nothing!

LEOPOLD: If you apologize, I’ll give you some fudge. It’s really nice fudge, straight from Belgium! You know what? I’ll save you the trouble of speaking, and consider you walking over to me to get your chocolate as your apology. Sound fair?

MARIA: I can’t leave my post.

LEOPOLD: I know you can’t, but I mean, we’re already in a conversation, and you’ll be eating chocolate anyway, and I love it when you break the rules. Please?


LEOPOLD (taking out some fudge and biting in): Oh. Mmmm… it’s like sweet chocolatey heaven!

(Maria walks over to Leopold and makes a grab for the chocolate. As soon as she does, someone sneaks over to the door, opens it, and sneaks through.)

Hey, that’s rude! Anyway, this is mine. Here. This is for you.

MARIA: This does not mean I’m going on a date with you, Leopold.

LEOPOLD: I never thought it did! I just wanted to give you a gift. I can do no right.

MARIA: Whatever.

LEOPOLD: Anyway. I’m off to the ports. Got a flight to catch!

MARIA: What…?

LEOPOLD: Good-bye!

(He leaves. Maria goes back to her post. She eats the small piece in four bites and enjoys every second. The figure from before slips back through the door like silk, slits Maria’s throat, and escapes.)


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