A Very Tiny Play: #1

The first in a series of tiny plays. Enjoy!

(The scene is a marketing conference room.)

SUSAN: “Relax your ‘buts’ and use it!”

LEOPOLD: Excuse me?

MARK: Yes – say it again! I think I’m seeing it. (closes his eyes)

SUSAN: “Relax your ‘buts’ and use it!”

LEOPOLD: That’s so offensive!

MARK: Oh, Leo, don’t be so sensitive. You don’t think the coconut oil market is looking for exactly this kind of validation?

LEOPOLD: Are you serious?

MARK: It’s perfect! The nutritional science of the last 40 years have gotten everything wrong from raw milk to raw meat, and now it’s on our product’s side – we’ve got to draw attention to it.

LEOPOLD: Research?

MARK: Yes! All those nay-sayers – butting in – get it? – just gotta relax.

LEOPOLD: Oh. So you don’t see the… the gay thing.

MARK: Everything’s gay to you, Leo. I wish you’d get your mind out of the night clubs.

LEOPOLD: Huh! Is that so! Listen here, Marky Mark, I’m the best damn marketing assistant on this side of Square Victoria, I know my shit. I’ve put up with your bro attitude because of your name, but if you can’t see that you’re blind as a gimp, I quit.

MARK: (to Susan) Must be that time of the month…!


(Leopold shakes his head and walks out. A beat.)

SUSAN: If you want, I can come back with the contract later….

MARK: No, I want to get started right away. Where do I sign?


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