For a long time I have been in the habit of making promises I don’t end up keeping. Sometimes I just don’t get to it. Or I might just not feel like it when it gets down to it. It gets put off, and I forget about it for a while, and then it’s too late, or it seems like it is, and I just say, “Well they haven’t said anything about it so I guess it’s not a big deal.”
It happened more and more until it became normal for me not to follow through on stuff I say I’m going to do. It didn’t matter who the promise was for – friends, family, even myself – I just wouldn’t keep it. I was unreliable.
That’s not to say I never kept a promise. Or that I broke them out of spite, on purpose. I always intended to keep them. But the bottom line is I was unreliable – and at the same time, I felt and acted like a reliable person. I considered myself reliable, even though deep down I knew I wasn’t. I was deluding myself.
So I lived for many years, mystifying myself and others about my true nature. And it’s not just about keeping promises. I had constructed a self-image which was not natural, not truly me. After many years of quiet torture, I began to emerge from the dungeon I kept myself in. That is what this blog is about.
It’s a blog about self-discovery. It’s a blog about surviving in the modern world as a freelance artist. It’s about going against the grain, breaking norms, and getting angry about things that suck and should change. I’ll discuss spirituality, ideas and ways of life I believe are worth spreading, and observations I make in my experiences.
I have started many blogs in my life (I don’t know, like 6 or 7). This one is for good. What is it, Thursday night? Every Thursday night I will post something – you’re reading it, you can check it out – because I am impeccable with my word.
I will explain the name and cover image now. “The True Life Story of a Pioneer” by Fred McIntyre is a book I received from my great-aunt Thelma a couple of years ago. I read about 2/5 of it and let it sit on my shelf since then (like so many others with it). I told her in an email I would finish it soon and mail it back. She said she had someone else to lend it to. It’s the first promise I am going to work on that I never fulfilled, starting right after I press Publish on this post. Because she’s the oldest living relative I have, I want to honour Thelma, even if it’s a little late.
I hope you’ll join me on this expedition. And if you don’t, may you find love and happiness on your own journey.